Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Uncle Hamish

Firstly, allow me to state- the Rody horse "twenty-two" has been in the trunk of the car since the xmas party last friday.  Seems he isn't so well behaved in public? Should have brought the very real real dog to the xmas party instead....but nooooo.  Inappropriate bearded men in santa hats got to go....but not little scruffy terriers...I can wear a bow tie too you know.  I see exactly where I stand.
But I digress..... significant news is at hand!

I am to be an Uncle!  The joy of this is immeasurable ( if only the oracle were here to revel with me!). Leah says that really I am going to be cousin- but that's just silly, and I prefer the role of Uncle so I am taking that position and I will defend it to the death.  If Leah is to be an aunt.  Then I am to be an Uncle.  That is how I see it.
Obviously this is a huge responsibility.  Apparently these things take about 9 months or so, so I will have some time to practice and prepare. I have many questions:
When are they old enough to give tummy rubs?
Are they born rolling around and adorable- like me- or do they need to be taught?  I volunteer for such tutelage.
Do they have to learn to walk on two legs or can they crawl around on all fours forever?  Seems more sensible to me.
When do they start eating food and throwing it on the floor and everywhere so that I can eat it?
Will Ari and Rima be getting a terrier of their own for protection?  Or will I have to go live with them until it is safe?
At what age can I begin teaching the art of dragon-slaying?  I started at 4 weeks.  That seems totally reasonable. It is important to develop these critical instincts very early in life.
Can we feed the poopy diapers to Nessarose?  she likes those sorts of things and it seems like a reasonable way to dispose of waste.
Will it pull my hair?  Will I mind?
Do human puppies smell as good as dog puppies?

I commit myself wholly to the protection and education of this new being.

I am very excited.

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