Monday, February 24, 2014

Dog of Steel

I am discouraged this week.  It seems Nessarose is in the midst of a new rise in popularity.  She's suddenly been deemed clever, and kind, and useful.  ( previously she has only been discussed as irritating, neurotic, and awkward.)  It even seems she is to be give the title of Superdog. Apparently she had a supporting role alongside Superman in the new 2013 version of the classic.  Then my new Scottish cousin, Macdonwold tried to run away the minute he got home, and Nessarose was called to the rescue.  Apparently she was brilliant and heroic and sensitive!  She saved the day coaxing the terrified bedraggled puppy back into the shelter of the car.  She has even taken to wearing a cape and Leah has told everyone she is from the planet Krypton. She also insists that Nessarose can fly.
Baa! Does this look like the face of a heroic super pet to you?  She's wearing my cape! My cape.
 And she is staring so awkwardly. Now that we have Supernessa, no one even wants to hear about SMOD ( the squishy muffin of doom, my superhero alter-ego). I will admit I cannot fly, or even jump very high. However I certainly could have rescued Macdonwold.  After all- I was born speaking perfect Scottie.  I also could have taught him about peeing outside in about 2 minutes.  Nessarose failed to do this properly!
Now- compare to my superhero portrait.  Notice the agressive forward lean, the noble expression, the focused look!
Long story short:  I was left alone during the Macdonwold crisis for hours!  Whilst Nessarose was given every opportunity of heroism.  I was forced to stay home and wait,  alone, isolated, and uncertain of my future. So I ate the crotch out of Leah's favorite pair of tights.  This seemed only fair.
On a more somber note.  The Doe Deer has returned. Conditions being as they are it is almost impossible to make proper patrols. I am unable to navigate well in the deep crunchy snow. It is an effort to properly mark the entire yard.  I have been exhausted and ill-rewarded for my efforts.  Nesssarose seems to be the favorite dog, though I still get more meat in my kibble.
On the bright-side, my new film, "Hamish is a Real Real Dog", has gone into pre-production. (Title subject to change.) We have Kelly on board for costume and artistic direction.  Harvan productions will be producing and handling cinematography and film editing.  We are making changes daily to the current screenplay.  Leah insists upon expanding Nessarose's role in the film. I don't see why this is at all necessary.  The whole point of doing the film is for us to meet Oprah.  Leah says Oprah no longer hosts a talk show and I should be aiming for the Ellen show.  Or even Jimmy Fallon.  I have no idea who this Falcon person is.  But I dislike raptors.  Ellen would be worthwhile, but she's not Oprah.  Leah says including Nessarose in the film will give it greater depth.  Casting has been a battle from day one as Leah and I completely disagree on many points.  She says we will never get David Bowie to sign on.  Ridiculous.  He will be honored.  I will ask him myself. Besides- if Nessarose is such a superdog why doesn't she just "wrinkle" her way over to Henry Cavill and get him to play in our picture also. I call humbug on everyone.
I intend to sulk wholeheartedly until the balance of power is properly restored. I may also pee in Leah's slippers.

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