Monday, January 28, 2013

I dislike computers. I understand they are a necessary evil of the modern age, and of course without them I would have to find another way to share my thoughts with the world....I feel mind control would be easy to learn.  I'm going to have to explore that further....
Computers.  Human spend endless hours with these machines: Staring at them.  Stroking them. Leah's computer gets more lap-time than I do.  It isn't even soft and fuzzy.  How do they spend hours petting these things when I am right there doing cute as hard as a I can! Sometimes I get one hand on the head while her other hand is typing.  Really?  Who ever got a good belly rub with only one hand?!
Sometimes we have guests.  Leah's friend Cheyenne or June.  They pet the computer all the time too!  All this petting and stroking of a hairless nothing, it's unhealthy.  Just look what it has done to Nessa:  She thinks she's a shoe.
I have to leave now.  If I stop talking and roll over Leah will put the computer away and rub me instead.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Today turned out far better than expected.  It's never good when Leah gets up early. 5AM in the dark...And then she got dressed without putting our collars on.  We are not allowed to go out naked.  Leah is very strict about this.  She says I will slip under the fence and be unidentified and unrecognizable in the ditch without my collar.  This is a major paranoia of hers.  I see no reason why I should end up in the ditch, but Leah is convinced that is the most probable outcome if we are let out in the nude.  So if she gets dressed, and we don't, its a safe bet we are being left.  And this is terrifying. Because there is no way of knowing when the human will return.  She makes lots of promises but her plans often change and we are never notified. Of course Leah like all other humans believes that we are forlorn in her absence out of some overdeveloped attachment to her emotionally.  This is not the case at all.  We are only terrified and concerned because the absence of humans means the absence of food.  After all we are only fed two meals a day with snacks in between.  If Leah leaves us, there are no in-between snacks. This is not so bad for an hour or two, but when Leah leaves early in the morning we could be without snacks for Endless HOURS....She can't leave us any snacks because Nessa is bulimic,  she binges on the snacks and then she vomits (usually behind a doorway where no one is likely to find it for awhile.)  So I took up a place on one of the sofa throw pillows and waited.  Forlorn from lack of food. Leah promised to be home early.  She claimed it was too cold for us to be waiting in the car all morning and promised to be home before lunch.  These things rarely come true but today something truly miraculous happened!  Leah returned home not only before lunch, but she came into the house carrying a small bowl of bacon.   Yes heard right....B- A- C- O- N.  Crunchy, salty, meaty wonderful bacon!  I firmly believe in extending the forlorness upon the human's return so as to make them feel important, but in this instant it was impossible!  How can anyone be forlorn in the presence of bacon.  It is delectable.  Nessarose of course went bug-eyed wild. We were taken out in the sunshine for a lengthy frolic punctuated with all of the bacon morsels from the bowl.  I had to show some small degree of forlorness when it was explained that the bacon had come from Sir Scott. ( Sir Scott is the food truck guy.  He is at all of our farm horse shows and I am usually assigned to his stand for security purposes.  Sir Scott says this keeps the other hounds away.  He pays me handsomely in bacon for my services.)Of course I was a bit miffed to hear that I had missed an opportunity to work with Scott, but my miffedness melted with the bacon in my mouth. It seems I displayed my displeasure just enough since Leah still sat on the big dog bed with me and stroked my ears, all the while saying what a "poor little forlornling" I was.  Suits me just fine.  I stayed in bed the rest of the day, until we went home to watch football.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Well here I am again. I'd about given up on this blogging thing, and I realize I owe an explanation to those hardy few who've held out these last few years.  I had pretty nearly decided to give up on my writing career....too many failed attempts and no contacts in seemed like a lost cause.  However, it recently being brought to my attention that some of you out there seem to enjoy the meanderings of my terrier mind... I thought I would give it another try.  *disclaimer:* expect considerably less enthusiasm- the inevitable result of broken hearts, financial distress, and of course the unstoppable effects of aging.  Cynicism  being the only logical conclusion I challenge all of you out there to try renewing my optimism. Not likely as there was precious little of it to begin with.
I begin with a brief summation of the past 3 years: Ed left us.  I guess he didn't throw us out in the street, but we had to leave. Myself, Leah, and Nessa, and all the horses.  And Leah made it very clear we wouldn't be coming back. No more early morning pond swims.  No more dragon hunting in the yard.  There were a lot of tears. Leah refused to continue taking dictation and when she wasn't working she was mostly in bed with red eyes.
And then Ithilien failed.  No Ed.  No home. No job.  We fell on hard times.  Leah started selling everything!  There was no money.  We were forced to eat plain kibble.  No cheese, no meat....Leah ate kibble.  Revel was forced to get a job. He lost his health insurance and all his retirement benefits.  Leah said he had to become a seeing eye dog, so that half blind half rabid amateurs could pretend they know how to ride, and would pay him for his help.  He was sent away to try and make his fortune.  He sends money home whenever he can, but it has never been much.  Of course he's getting older too.  Turns out though, he's pretty good at being a seeing eye dog.
So Leah took a job working for other horsey people and we relocated to the planet New Jersey. Leah said New Jersey is dirty, and full of bad drivers, but I like it here.  Of course Leah and I define "dirty" differently and I don't drive....
The days of Venison Jerky and lounging on the porch had come to an end.  Then there was Robbie and his dog Coolige.  Followed by the strange policeman who never did figure out how to pick me up the right way, but he did make delicious food.  And Leah sold the truck and trailer!  Now she has a fancy car and Nessarose and I are only allowed in it when we are clean or swaddled.
Working for other horsey people has its ups and downs.  Mostly downs since I don't have my own farmette to frolic on daily anymore.  Especially following the "cat incident."  Another one of Nessarose's major blunders, for which I am still paying the price. I'll tell that story another time. We live under a sort of house arrest, but Leah lets us frolic as much as she can. On sunny days I bask in the sun on the back porch and its almost like being on the porch at Ed's surveying my terrierdom.  We're back to having cheese and meat with our kibble.  So life goes on.  Revel wrote home to say he's getting a big promotion soon.  But Leah adopted a new sister for us.  Another horse.  Sombra. She doesn't know how to do any work yet. She's quite beautiful, so I figure if we get into trouble again I'll just pimp her out.