Thursday, June 11, 2015

Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more!

Security breaches are rare due to our excellent emergency protocols and my extreme vigilance.  There is however no accounting for human errors and thoughtlessness.  They are a careless species and no amount of training and counter-measurement will eliminate incidences altogether.

I blame my human mostly.  She stood right there as the horse "Paganini" pushed his door open with his nose and sauntered out slowly.  It took her several moments to react.  I remain baffled at the human lack of reflexes.   They are so slow to respond to anything.  Suddenly Paganini was walking briskly down the aisleway. He paused for a few mouthfuls of hay at the edge of the barn before trotting exuberantly into the parking lot and then exploding around the trailers.  By now all the humans were following him with halters and leads in hand.  I hung back knowing full well he couldn't be captured in this way.  To no avail, the humans sent him bounding across the rocky swale and though he hesitated for a moment he crossed through a breach in the tree line into the neighboring farmer's field at a flying trot.

"Houston we have a problem!"  Jack and Jade were now flying full tilt after him on their long legs.  Now completely beyond the farms boundaries there was no telling where he might go.  My legs may be short, but my low center of gravity means I can handle the uneven pasture terrain with ease.  I bolted straight after Jack who was in the lead closest to the horse.

Into the Breach!  Tail erect and ready, eyes keen, legs pumping furiously, chase, chase, chase! Nessarose
You won't like me angry
was ready at the front line with me.  I started howling instructions in my native scotch terrier dialect, to my human's great shock and horror.  She says my "yodeling" is offensive to the ear.  I say so is her damned singing.  Nevertheless I am a faithful dog, As Jack sprinted into the woods after Paganini's footprints I was forced to come to my human's plaintive worried call.

"Hamish you will get lost out there!" And so both Nessarose and myself were abruptly shut into the office as the humans continued to flail around in search of the horse.  Strange that creatures with slow reflexes and almost no sense of smell whatsoever should undertake the tracking of an escaped fugitive without the assistance of the dogs. (Can you hear me frowning?)

Nevertheless, as is usually the case the horse managed to get stuck in a thicket.  At which point the slow moving humans were easily able to catch up and capture him.  He was returned without further incident. Since there can be no help for their slow reaction times, clearly the humans must learn to latch the stall door, so that the horse cannot simply let himself out.  It is the humans not us dogs who would benefit from electric shock training.  They say with age comes wisdom and I have learned not to waste energy on those things beyond my control.

On a brighter note:  I overheard her say the tickets for Scotland have been purchased.  Ha! Sept. 15th. This is really happening.  I have never flown on an airplane before.  I understand it is very dangerous as they are often attacked by giant dragons and destroyed.  Being a dragon slayer myself I am reasonably confident this shouldn't be a problem on our particular flight.  Friends and colleagues keep asking if I am excited.  Of course I am excited to finally see my native land, though I must admit a certain sense of the inevitable to it.  As I have stated on previous occasions,  Scotland and Scottish individuals are cosmically drawn together by some greater power beyond our understanding.
On that note....I have decided that sometimes it is best to bend with a strong wind rather than against it.
Gerard Butler.  Alas since I cannot convince my human to stop embarrassing herself it seems I might as well embrace the cause.  Possessed now of my own tablet equipped with camera,  I have decided to begin a photographic series titled:
"Soon to Be"

The first installment is loosely inspired by Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers."  Please follow me on instagram @hamishwagsthedog. Here it is:

Sunflowers in gallery

I will also be further expanding my self portraiture series:
"The Writer's Lens. Self Portraits of a Scruffian"

My human reminds me now that I must also return to my children's manuscript.  So much to do.  So little bacon. And I have not been provided with a meatball of any kind in ages.  I understand it's good to have goals.

Finally.  Paganini's mood has been repentant since his escape. But he cannot be trusted.  There is a devil in him for sure.  A handsome one.