Sunday, December 22, 2013

Not Real

"Our brief winter. Ours for the moment
Before earth's soft hand explored your shape, and melted her snows...."

I plagiarized this.  I make no apologies.  If you can be first to name the source of it- Leah will buy you a steak dinner( I would buy the steak dinner, but I have no money.) I just changed a few words. And google is cheating.  You should just know it. 
Our brief winter- so short lived!  We had a week of beautiful snowy wonderfulness, but it has all melted away to mud.  I am extremely fond of mud, but it leads to several unpleasantries.  Most gratuitous of these?? BAThING. 
Oh horrible! Horrible!
There are many problems.  Examine closely: 
1) I am in a sink
2) I am soaking wet
3) I am in a sink
4) I am covered in foul smelling, patina- stripping soap
5) I am in a sink.

I was toweled dry, which was fabulous. The only tolerable part of being bathed really.  Then I was abandoned for the entire night.  Left alone with the alien, Nessarose. No human in the bed to sleep close to,  NO ONE!  I hate New York City.  I found out this morning that I was actually invited to the party there, but she took someone else. 
This is not real
To add insult to injury- This THING has suddenly appeared. Leah says it is my bust and I should not be so touchy about it. She says it is a great honor to be immortalized in sculpture.  I don't know what a bust is.  But if this is parading around in my place I find it unacceptable! 
Well be forewarned.  I forecast a conspicuous increase in mischief.  Impending. Storm conditions possible.  
Bathed and mocked!  

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Uncle Hamish

Firstly, allow me to state- the Rody horse "twenty-two" has been in the trunk of the car since the xmas party last friday.  Seems he isn't so well behaved in public? Should have brought the very real real dog to the xmas party instead....but nooooo.  Inappropriate bearded men in santa hats got to go....but not little scruffy terriers...I can wear a bow tie too you know.  I see exactly where I stand.
But I digress..... significant news is at hand!

I am to be an Uncle!  The joy of this is immeasurable ( if only the oracle were here to revel with me!). Leah says that really I am going to be cousin- but that's just silly, and I prefer the role of Uncle so I am taking that position and I will defend it to the death.  If Leah is to be an aunt.  Then I am to be an Uncle.  That is how I see it.
Obviously this is a huge responsibility.  Apparently these things take about 9 months or so, so I will have some time to practice and prepare. I have many questions:
When are they old enough to give tummy rubs?
Are they born rolling around and adorable- like me- or do they need to be taught?  I volunteer for such tutelage.
Do they have to learn to walk on two legs or can they crawl around on all fours forever?  Seems more sensible to me.
When do they start eating food and throwing it on the floor and everywhere so that I can eat it?
Will Ari and Rima be getting a terrier of their own for protection?  Or will I have to go live with them until it is safe?
At what age can I begin teaching the art of dragon-slaying?  I started at 4 weeks.  That seems totally reasonable. It is important to develop these critical instincts very early in life.
Can we feed the poopy diapers to Nessarose?  she likes those sorts of things and it seems like a reasonable way to dispose of waste.
Will it pull my hair?  Will I mind?
Do human puppies smell as good as dog puppies?

I commit myself wholly to the protection and education of this new being.

I am very excited.