Friday, July 31, 2015

Leather and Wool

Allow me to be perfectly clear: I love my human unconditionally. MOST of the time.  However, OCCASIONALLY, it is necessary to stop loving her for a period of hours or even days.  It is the only way to maintain any kind of discipline as she willfully will respond to nothing else. These are the sorts of offenses that can lead to the temporary withdrawal of unconditional love and affections:
-Touching me with her foot
-Bathing and grooming.
-Kibble with no meat or milk added.
-ABSOLUTELY, DEFINITELY going away without me, leaving me under the care and supervision of other ridiculous humans, or causing me to believe I may be left behind, even though in the end I am not.
-Permitting anyone else to ride shotgun.
-Tying me to the trailer hitch all day long at the horse show.
-Enduring her singing on long road trips.

I know it sounds like too much to endure but these things have all happened to me.  Though I find that if I stop loving her for a short time she immediately repents her thoughtless ways and then things are better for some time.  I have read in magazines that this constitutes a cycle of abuse.  There was something about addiction and codependency as well.  Also denial and self loathing.  These sound like normal people problems, not the sorts of things brilliant intellectual hounds and their human caretakers would struggle with.  
We have a way of dealing with things,  it works for us, no one else needs to understand it.  I am not a victim.

But nevermind all that.  Most recently I was introduced to Melaina.  Having never met Melaina, having no knowledge whatsoever of her qualifications, Nessarose and I were surreptitiously dropped at her house and with hardly a kiss or a cuddle simply left for 48 hours. Lest you worry allow me to assure my adoring fans that Melaina's is a veritable palace,  a palace of magnificent smells and creatures.  There were cats. Other dogs. And CHICKENS. A never ending buffet of scents and tastes with too many corners to count for marking.  We got to go for walks and watch television and all in all it was a very pleasant little sojourn, replete with single malt and cuban cigars.   However none of this matters, since my human deposited us there with no knowledge of these things.  It could as well have been the Bates Hotel.  No due diligence whatsoever. It's quite shocking.  
It should be understandable to you all that a shunning was therefore very much in order.  I greeted her upon her return with the same perfunctory-ness with witch she had abandoned us two days prior.  Upon arriving home I immediately retired to the human's pillow on the bed and feigned the deepest depression I could muster. I showed little interest in kibble and treats and I made sure to sleep on the far corner of the bed out of her reach. 
The impact was substantial.  Before bed she had already text messaged several friends her concern that I no longer loved her.  HA! 
I was given many extra treats and after a swim and a frolic at the farm the next morning I had all but forgotten the injustice.  Things have generally returned to normal.  
I had an optimum poop in the bush beside the arena this morning and I was able to shadow my human most of the day.  It was very hot, and she raised no fuss whatsoever when I trenched a shallow hole beside a jump to cool my belly and keep a close watch.  I am only rarely shut into the clubhouse these days, and usually it is by my own choice when it is too hot to remain out of doors.   

#soontobe : The Younger Woman

I have added a group of photos to my #soontobe series. I believe it to be some of my best work.  Our infatuation/fascination with Gerard Butler waxes and wanes.  Leah is recently driven to compulsions over some medieval love affair from the 12th century.  French of course.  Some lovers called Lard and Loise or some such nonsense.  She has begun to speak as though she is translating Latin or maybe middle French, neither of which she can actually speak.  It is affecting my writing. 

I did receive an extra special gift of a particularly attractive pouch in which to store my tablet.  it is made of wool and leather and though I would ordinarily object to its equestrian theme, the deep pine green of the wool is quite lovely and the whole thing quite suits my tastes.  It houses my tablet perfectly and is a great improvement over the sad, cheap case my human picked up at walmart.  I consider it an excellent consolation gift and I am once again totally and unconditionally in love with her. 
Changing gears, I had an exciting photo shoot in my formal wear (kilt and bowtie) this past weekend.  Jade took some excellent pictures and the lighting highlighted my glorious bearded grizzliness to perfection.  I must say I look terribly fierce.  These photos are locked in a small flash drive device I do not understand, so I will need to decipher it in order to post them but I fully intend to share them.  The shoot was complete with action sequences as well as stills and poses.  Something to look forward to.

One might say we are very much in the dog days of summer. I have no complaints at this time.