Friday, July 18, 2014

O Horrible! Part Deux

When opportunity knocks, one must be prepared to embrace it fully, no matter the consequence.  So, recently stripped of my excellent rotting animal cologne, the arrival of a marauding skunk seemed a most fateful occurrence.  I know it is unusual for me to post back to back blogs such as these, but such an extraordinary turn of events cannot pass by unmentioned.
To think- a deliciously vile dead-thing to roll in, my patina mocked, my coat scrubbed clean, and only  a day later a wayward skunk visits us at the farm.  I could not wish for a more perfect set of circumstances.  The gods must indeed be smiling!
Such a wonderful animal a skunk, truly!  To be sure, there is some discomfort and trauma in donning the mantle of the skunk's aroma.  No matter how much one wishes to acquire its scent,  the physical moment of spraying is always a shock. Of course there is almost no way of avoiding contact with the eyes.  This is most unpleasant, but readily resolved with some vigorous eye rubbing and paw licking.   The skunk's pungent odor is unlike all others in its unique ability to linger.  No amount of bathing, scrubbing, scouring, soaping, scraping, wringing, washing, can eliminate it totally.  It will only fade over time.  Months after a spraying one may still detect the faint odor of skunk on a damp wet day.  Sublime!
Sublime indeed though most definitely lacking in subtlety.  On the heels of the rotting animal incident described the day before last, I had fully intended to seek out a more refined material to begin my new Patina.  Usually if I add odor covertly and incrementally, Leah's poor sense of smell keeps her from taking any great offense for quite some time.
But a skunk!! Who could resist it?  Please don't think any less of me. I am after all only Canine. A marauding skunk nevertheless!  It was prowling about the yard near the trash ( neatly set out for pick-up).  There was nothing to be done but give chase to it!  The thing would only rifle through the garbage and make a mess.  I pursued it, vigorously running headfirst into its mystical, ripe, oily spray.  It simply could not have been avoided.
I admit it burned my eyes something fierce!  But I am a TERRIER!  A Scotch one at that, descended of a long line of dragon-slayers, Patina wearer extraordinaire!  The burning would subside.
Unfortunately in the heat of the moment I did not think through to my Human's feelings on the matter.  I should have thought it out better after the incident the previous day regarding my lux scent of decaying rot. To the point: Leah is most displeased.  I have been bathed thrice already.  Last night I was shut in the hall until a naked Leah placed me, at arm's length, in the bathtub.  There I was vigorously scrubbed and lathered, my human in nothing but a pair of dishwashing gloves, trying to remove the skunk's oily residue from my face.  Today I received an extra special bath with Leah's de-skunking potion ( an odd mixture of peroxide/ baking soda/ dish-washing soap), and then another bath with regular shampoo.
Alas, bless the poor Skunk. Perhaps he shall inherit the earth, for though my stench is greatly diminished it lingers still!! Having lost its thickness, the aroma no longer hovers and hangs and rises from my person, but if you lean in close it will most definitely grab you!  I look forward to a morning soon when the air is humid and damp, I wander inside from my morning roll in the dew and Leah bends down to pet me, then she pulls back "oh god Hamish!  even after all this time you still smell of skunk!" Hahaha...This Patina won't be removed so readily.  I will gladly suffer the many baths of the next week in order to savor that moment when she realizes....It's still there....

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