Wednesday, July 16, 2014

O Horrible!

"O, horrible! O, horrible! most horrible! 
 If thou hast nature in thee, bear it not; 
Let not the royal bed of Macdonish Hamwald be 
A couch for luxury and damned cleanliness. 
But, howsoever thou pursuest this act, 
Taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul contrive 
Against thy Human aught: leave her to heaven "

O Hamlet! You know not how much your words touch my soul!  Damned human!

I have been carefully re-crafting my Patina since my bathing and shaving for the movie ( a most necessary evil in the name of the creative enterprise).  Today I found the most glorious gooey deadness to roll in.  It completed the Patina quite excellently, not only lending me the most magnificent of aromas, but coating my neck, back and collar in a beautiful black sticky glaze of odiferous, gorgeous ROT! 
I knew there was a problem almost immediately, as Leah called me to the house with the words "stop rolling in death and get over here RIGHT NOW!" 
I didn't hurry mind you, but when I finally arrived in the house I was greeted with an "Oh god Hamish!  You stink." Since this was the desired outcome I was most pleased until the statement which followed...."that's the worst thing I have ever smelled." Worst!?!?  BEST!  Best thing you have ever smelled!  There is absolutely nothing better than the thick, heavy patina of rotting animal. It is better than all other things combined. Worst thing she ever smelled...Hrumpf.
I was immediately marched to the wash-rack and tethered where I was unceremoniously stripped of my fabulous new Patina.  The whole while Leah saying "EEEEW! Oh my god Hamish that is so gross.  What is all over you? Oh no it's all over your collar. DISGUSTING!"
It cannot be helped I suppose that Leah appears to have no sense of smell whatsoever. We all have our cross to bear, and none of us can be perfect. It is tedious to be so involved with someone who has such poor taste in odors.  Creating an acceptable patina has become a real chore.  Clearly I went too extreme on this occasion.  I will have to work the more subtle route henceforth.
Below is a double self- portrait - a gesture of good will to my human. I love you in-spite of your poor taste.
Selfportrait 2

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