Thursday, May 21, 2015

Birthday wishes

Scotsmen are great adventurers.  Myself I am descended from a long line of explorers, adventurers and all around swashbucklers.  My earliest ancestors battled dragons.
painting by Margaryta Yermolayeva
These days the beasts are hard to come by, so few of the modern day Macdonish Hamwalders have ever even seen one.  I am mostly plagued by catawampi.  Slippery devils, they are very difficult to track, though easily dispatched upon their discovery as they often fall into long protracted sleeps.

Gandalf the Grey
My stars appear to be aligning.  This seems appropriate since my birthday is approaching.  It is a major milestone.  10 years old for a dog is beyond the middle of life for most of us.  I confess I do not feel middleaged.  Only wiser.  Perhaps I shall become a wizard and live in bearded magical immortal glory. Just like Gandalf.

I admit to spying on my Human.  My industry has paid dividends, since I do believe I have discovered my birthday present. She has been pouring over books about Scotland for several weeks.  She has purchased a number of new woolen items of clothing, and my kilt and bow tie have been got down from the closet.
Therefore I deduce:  We are going to Scotland.

In light of this I am completely at a loss for words.  Nevertheless I must try...

SCOTLAND!  my native land!  The place of my ancestors. Place of mist, mountains....and D R A G O N S
If I am lucky enough to catch one I will bring it home and display it as a full- mount trophy.  Obviously.
My human shall receive a Cleopatra-collar style necklace of its claws.  And I will feast upon its liver!!
I have never flown on an airplane before.  Only because I have heretofore refused to endure the indignity of riding beneath the seat in a pet caddy.  However I will all too gladly suffer this humiliation in order to visit my ancestral lands.  It will be a great homecoming.  I fully intend to elope with some strapping Scotsman.  It is my destiny.  

PS.  Dear Human:  I also know about the tablet.  Thank you. Now please set up my instagram account immediately.  I have a lot of catching up to do. 
Ready?  I was born ready.

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